Climbing the Mountain

Life has been a series of heartaches and triumphs this past little while. I've found myself calling on the Lord and wondering if He is listening to me. But He keeps placing small instances in my life that help me know He IS there and He IS listening. I'd like to share yet another lesson in love I was taught today.

My heart was weighing heavily this morning. Disappointments and doubts, fears and worries were causing me to question the Lords ability to really hear and answer my prayers. So I decided he might listen better if I ventured out on a walk. Either way, I had to get out, or I was going to go mad!

I grabbed my scriptures and headed for the door. "Lord, I want answers and I want them now! If I show you I'm trying, you HAVE to show me you're listening!" (Sometimes I take the less-than-humble approach to life - I'm so grateful the Lord has patience. haha) I stepped out on to the street. "Well now what? Where should I go? Lord, where do you want me to go?" I challenged the heavens. This little conversation with myself lasted for a quick minute as I aimlessly walked down the sidewalk slowly.

"Don't be silly Brittany, the Lord doesn't really care where you go."

"Oh. I thought he might. Well he should! I'm struggling here! And He needs to show me He's listening."

"Well He does't care where you go. Just get somewhere!"

"Lord, ok maybe you don't care where I go, but if you do, then I'll keep walking and you just guide me."

I proceeded in doubt as my mind told me, "Eh, just go right." I wanted to find a hill to climb. Somewhere quiet on top of a hill where I could think and pray and just enjoy some alone time, but I'd never been to any of the hills around me. In fact, I wasn't sure if there were hills close enough that I could find to climb. I had reluctantly decided I might just have to settle for a roadside curb along the way.

These thoughts swam around in my mind as I walked down the sidewalk of the sidestreet I had just turned on. "Look right." I looked. Inbetween two apartment buildings was a hill terraced with cement drainage that I'd noticed before, but had forgotten about and had certainly never given thought to climbing.

"You can climb that hill."

"Well it looks kind of steep and there is too much brush to climb through in my flip flops," I argued with myself.

"Quit being a baby! You grew up in Agua Dulce. You can climb that hill."

I turned toward the hill and scaled it with my eyes. How was I going to get up it? I started climbing up the steep cement drainage line that ran perpendicularly down the hill. I figured the roughness of the cement would grip against the rubber bottom of my flip flops. A few steps up proved to be successful. "Alright! This will be easier than I thought!" Suddenly I started to slip. The water that had flow down the drain had caused it to become more slick as I moved up the hill. I slid halfway down the small portion I had just climbed. "Well that won't work."

I refused to give up. My heart was now set on climbing this hill. I stepped outside of the cement drainage and onto the dirt hill on one side of it. "Step on the small shrubs that line the drain. Those will hold your footing as you make your way to the top." Step by step I struggled as I tried to hold my footing on the small patches of shrubs I could find and sometimes the bare dirt I was forced to trust as I made my way up this small stretch of the hill. Finally I reached a small terrace, one of the four that had been made to guard the hill from pouring water down on the surrounding apartments when it rained. I looked at the next stretch between the first and second terrace.

"This doens't look as hard as the last one. I can do this. Just stick with the method used on the first."

I made my way up the steep hill slowly. Bracing my steps on small rocks and vegetation I could find along the way. I had a few small slips, but made it to the second terrace with more ease than the first.

"Is this high enough? Should I rest here?"

"No. You can get up higher and the view from here just isn't as good as I'm sure it is at the top. Plus, another terrace up and you'll be further away from the sounds and distractions of everything going on below."

This third hill proved to be much easier. The vegetation as I made my way up the hill became more and more sparse, but I didn't need it. I was able to climb the hill alone with little assistance from rocks and shrubs along the way. The third terrace. A good place to rest. But I was so close to the top.

"Just get to the top. It will be worth it."

I began to walk up. Then everything inside of me wanted to run to the top. The closer I got, the more I wanted to be there. The more I knew the view from up there would be so much better. The feeling of reward would be worth it. I sprinted until it flattened out then turned to see what was worth the run. It was a beautiful view from the top. I could see the whole valley that had been behind me as I climbed and also around to the other side of the hill that dropped down into another valley.

The irony of my climb hit me as I breathed in the beauty around me and the small lesson that had just unfolded in front of me. As I left my home, I had no direction, but I asked the Lord to guide me. Climbing the steep hill was hard at first. It was slippery and self-doubt made me fear I wouldn't actually be able to make it up. But with each milestone of acheivement I yearned to climb higher and, as I climbed higher, I no longer needed the assitance of the things around to help with struggle up the mountain. As I neared the top, I knew that what was up there was what I had left my home searching out originally. I knew that from the top, I would be able to see so much more. And I did. From the top of the mountain I could see that the Lord did care where I went from the moment I left my home. I just had to ask, then follow, and continue to climb against the struggles and slips. As I neared the top, it became easier and easier and the desire to get higher grew and grew. And the view from the top was beautiful.